On stink bugs and baseball: An open letter to October

Dear October,

I just thought you should know that our relationship is fraying.

If not for Major League Baseball’s postseason, I worry you’d leave me with nothing to look forward to but a cough I can’t shake, deer to dodge on the commute and, worst of all, stink bugs.

Don’t get me wrong, October. I still adore the cooler temperatures you bring. I love turning off the AC and throwing open the windows. You’re a welcome change from the heat and humidity of a West Virginia summer.

And, the browns, reds, yellows and golds of the season you usher in are simply spectacular. You make me thankful I live where the trees show their colors in such awe-inspiring fashion.

But the change of seasons isn’t enough anymore.

October, you’re in danger of becoming too much trouble.

My opinion of you began changing with the snowstorm you brought in 2011. My front yard still carries the scars, or more to the point, the stumps.

We used to have four gorgeous Bradford Pear trees. They never failed to brighten my day when they bloomed in the spring. But the storm you sent spelled disaster for trees that were still sporting leaves. Two of our Bradfords couldn’t handle the pressure and came crashing down.

I got to know my chainsaw pretty well that year.

Thanks October for leaving me paranoid about a similar storm knocking down our remaining Bradfords.

And, thanks for leaving me constantly clearing my throat.

I know September started it, but you’ve kept the air around me stoked with allergens. They are driving my mucous membranes crazy.

Thanks October for the post-nasal drip. I can’t stop coughing.

And, thanks for encouraging the deer to cross my path during my commute. If they were any more active, I’d have to drive a tank just to make it safely to the office.

And, thanks October for bringing one of my other enemies back to the gates of my home.

Stink bugs.

I found one hanging around my front door this week. Upon further inspection, I discovered he brought along some of his buddies.

You should know, October, that when it comes to stink bugs, I have the mindset of a Dalek – those murderous, plunger wielding tin cups who vex Doctor Who on the venerable science fiction TV series. They are intent on ANNIHILATING everything that stands in their way.

I’d like to annihilate stink bugs, but they seem impervious.

October, I’d appreciate it if you stopped bringing them back to my house each fall.

In fact, October, if it wasn’t for baseball, I’d spurn you.

But you’re redeeming yourself. You’ve brought the tantalizing potential for a Beltway World Series.

So I’ll make you a deal, October.

Grant my wish. Put the Washington Nationals and the Baltimore Orioles in the World Series. In return, I’ll gladly live with your faults.

In fact, I’ll never say another bad word about you.

Just please, do something about those stink bugs while you’re at it. They’re not helping your reputation.

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30 thoughts on “On stink bugs and baseball: An open letter to October

  1. Bradford pear trees: Ugh. A menace to the environment, poorly “designed” and boringly over planted. Cut down the other two and move on to sugar maples. Baseball: how about some accuracy concerning the Parkway Series, not “beltway.”

    1. Got to agree with you about Bradford Pears. I clearly have first hand knowledge of how “poorly designed” they are. Knowing what I know now, I might not have bought our house in light of all the trouble they’ve been!

      Point taken about “Parkway” as well. I suspect, though, it’s a matter of preference. I’ve heard both and a quick Google search confirms both are being used to describe a potential World Series between the Nationals and Orioles.

  2. Haha love the letter to October. Might I suggest that the month is different in other regions? October is not the sole source of your sorrows 🙂 Hope the World Series goes your way!

  3. Trade the St Louis Cardinals for the Washington Nationals and Kansas City Royals for the Baltimore Orioles, and I’m with you. The fresh air in the house, the beautiful colors, the slight crispness to the air…. It’s a beautiful thing (minus the allergies, the stink bugs, and the everything pumpkin).

      1. Have you the only corner of the country that hasn’t been inundated with pumpkin? Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin M&Ms, pumpkin bread…everything pumpkin. Pumpkin pumpkin pumpkin (say it too much and it no longer sounds like a real word).
        Or was it that my meaning wasn’t clear? That happens as frequently as I see the word “pumpkin” on the store shelves these days.

      2. So it was the second one…clarity. Tone of voice doesn’t translate to tone of type (yet). Too bad it wasn’t the first question. I’d like to find that elusive pumpkin-free zone, if only for a day.

  4. I cannot believe you are only now seeing the little buggers around. They spend months in Texas every year, though they are not as prolific as they used to be in my yard and gardens since I started using the food grade diatomaceous earth. That stuff is amazing!

      1. Spread it around all doors and windows especially and any plants they love, for when they encounter it, it destroys them form the inside out is the way I understand it. It sticks to them and when they groom they ingest it and die. Yet the food grade version is safe enough for humans to digest and any animals who wander through it can safely digest it as well.

      2. Actually, I was just informed by my sons that I advised you of the wrong kind for outdoor use. The kind they said we have is the Crawling Insect Control Diatomaceous Earth with the approved EPA label. I am SO sorry for the confusion!

  5. That was so well put together. I’d write one to October as well but for different reasons. October is the prelude to our Summer and I’m not very fond of the hot scorching heat it brings with it.

  6. If you’re having trouble with stink bugs, you can try checking out:

    http://www.coldclimategardening.com/brown-marmorated-stink-bug-compiled-wisdom/controlling-stink-bugs/

    http://www.coldclimategardening.com/brown-marmorated-stink-bug-compiled-wisdom/stink-bug-glossary/

    My opinion: “October — at least it isn’t as bad as winter”

    But perhaps that is because there is a lot more snow and a lot colder temperatures where I hail from!

  7. Reblogged this on GRAvltron Has Needs from Pay Pal. Zero Americans Paid Your Pal Gravltron and commented:
    Freshly Press not parsley has blogs all about that radio show without just NEWS

    Sandra D’Onofrio
    Bradford pear trees: Ugh. A menace to the environment, poorly “designed” and boringly over planted. Cut down the other two and move on to sugar maples. Baseball: how about some accuracy concerning the Parkway Series, not “beltway.”

    Not just a menace to society the radio but to the environment & endangers all of US Americans not just toying with 1 but toying with all of US Americans for picking on the LEADER OF USA

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