I just thought you should know that our relationship is fraying.
If not for Major League Baseball’s postseason, I worry you’d leave me with nothing to look forward to but a cough I can’t shake, deer to dodge on the commute and, worst of all, stink bugs.
Don’t get me wrong, October. I still adore the cooler temperatures you bring. I love turning off the AC and throwing open the windows. You’re a welcome change from the heat and humidity of a West Virginia summer.
And, the browns, reds, yellows and golds of the season you usher in are simply spectacular. You make me thankful I live where the trees show their colors in such awe-inspiring fashion.
But the change of seasons isn’t enough anymore.
October, you’re in danger of becoming too much trouble.
My opinion of you began changing with the snowstorm you brought in 2011. My front yard still carries the scars, or more to the point, the stumps.
We used to have four gorgeous Bradford Pear trees. They never failed to brighten my day when they bloomed in the spring. But the storm you sent spelled disaster for trees that were still sporting leaves. Two of our Bradfords couldn’t handle the pressure and came crashing down.
I got to know my chainsaw pretty well that year.
Thanks October for leaving me paranoid about a similar storm knocking down our remaining Bradfords.
And, thanks for leaving me constantly clearing my throat.
I know September started it, but you’ve kept the air around me stoked with allergens. They are driving my mucous membranes crazy.
Thanks October for the post-nasal drip. I can’t stop coughing.
And, thanks for encouraging the deer to cross my path during my commute. If they were any more active, I’d have to drive a tank just to make it safely to the office.
And, thanks October for bringing one of my other enemies back to the gates of my home.
I found one hanging around my front door this week. Upon further inspection, I discovered he brought along some of his buddies.
You should know, October, that when it comes to stink bugs, I have the mindset of a Dalek – those murderous, plunger wielding tin cups who vex Doctor Who on the venerable science fiction TV series. They are intent on ANNIHILATING everything that stands in their way.
I’d like to annihilate stink bugs, but they seem impervious.
October, I’d appreciate it if you stopped bringing them back to my house each fall.
In fact, October, if it wasn’t for baseball, I’d spurn you.
But you’re redeeming yourself. You’ve brought the tantalizing potential for a Beltway World Series.
So I’ll make you a deal, October.
Grant my wish. Put the Washington Nationals and the Baltimore Orioles in the World Series. In return, I’ll gladly live with your faults.
In fact, I’ll never say another bad word about you.
Just please, do something about those stink bugs while you’re at it. They’re not helping your reputation.