How Twilight is a lot like spooning Nutella

As if the election didn’t divide us enough.

The votes have barely been counted and now the final film in the “Twilight” saga is in theaters.

Love or leave it, “Breaking Dawn – Part Two” has arrived and it’s attracting Twihards to the box office in droves.

In fact, it was the top money-maker last weekend, which leaves me a little confused. Usually, when a big movie comes out, it at least generates a little buzz in my corner of the world.

Plans are made to go see such movies, right?

But no one I know admits to being enthralled by the “Twilight” films or the best-selling books they are based upon, either.

As far as I can tell, “Twilight” appears to be to movies what Nutella is to comfort food – when the lights are out and no one is around, you’ve got a spoon in the jar.

This reluctance to come clean is why I can’t say for sure whether anyone in my house is a fan. The most likely suspect would be my middle-school daughter, but she’s not talking.

I gave her an opportunity to fess up the other day. The first two movies in the series were on TV and I invited her to sit down with me to watch them. We caught the tail end of the first one and all of the second.

Afterward, I tried to get her to admit that she liked “Twilight”. But all she would say is “Bella is too depressed all the time.” Bella is the heroine of the story (as if you didn’t know) and her angst over the vampire Edward (name sound familiar?) carries them through five movies.


By comparison, J.R.R Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings” is much more sweeping in scope and Director Peter Jackson just needed three movies to do it justice.

Jackson’s vision of Middle Earth is something I can get behind and I’m looking forward to “The Hobbit,” due out later this holiday season. But “Twilight” seems to have divided the movie going public into two camps – those who delight in it (and there are a lot of them, apparently) and those who deride it.

My daughter appears to line up with the latter group, so she’s not likely to publicly acknowledge what we did the other night. And, that works to my advantage.

For instance, when her Best Friend Forever is around and they get to be too much to handle, I simply ask if they want to watch “Twilight” with me. It doesn’t matter whether one of the movies is even on TV, the mere suggestion is like garlic when they are together. The storm door barely has time to swing shut before they are safely across the street at the BFF’s house.

I’ve also been using the “Twilight” phenomenon to promote peace between my kids. Now when my daughter and her older brother start bickering, I don’t get mad. I just threaten to take them to the theater and announce in a very loud voice, “We’d like three tickets to ‘Breaking Dawn – Part Two,’ please. You know the ‘TWILIGHT’ MOVIE!”

Come to think of it, that might not be such a bad idea. Now that I’ve given “Twilight” so much thought, I might as well go see the final movie.

But first, I’ve got to dig out my dark sunglasses and a hat.

And then, I’ve got to persuade my daughter to go with me for cover in case I’m recognized.


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