Girl Scout Cookies = No Willpower

It’s not often that I get a warning usually associated with drug dealers but that’s what happened to me the other day.

I had just finished telling a co-worker about the difficulty I was having staying out of the stash I’ve been carrying around in the back of my car when he took me aside and told me not to “get high on my own supply.”

It was a light-hearted warning and we had a good laugh. But here’s the thing – as much as that phrase is mostly identified with the drug trade, it could easily be used to admonish weak-kneed parents of girl scouts who can’t stay out of the cookie jar — or in this case the cookie box.

By now you’ve had a big enough hint to know the stash I’ve been carting around is not heroin, cocaine or marijuana. It’s more like Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos and Samoas. My wife put them in my car in hopes that I would sell our surplus cookies to my co-workers.

But while I’m supposed to be dealing them for my 10-year-old girl scout and should know better, I’m clearly having trouble keeping my hands to myself.

They call to me from the back of my car. And the song they sing is just as irresistible as the sirens who tempted the Greek hero Odysseus. Unlike him, though, I don’t have anybody to tie me down to the mast of my car. By the time I finish the long journey home from my job in Washington, D.C., there’s a pile of cookie crumbs in my lap.

This is going to make me sound like an addict who can’t admit he has a problem, but the last thing I want to acknowledge when I arrive home is that I ate a whole box of girl scout cookies. I simply announce that I sold another box and fork over a few bucks. To her credit, my wife pretends she doesn’t know what I’m up to. She simply brushes crumbs from my shirt and snatches the cash from my outstretched hand.

Are they really that good? Or, is it just the fact that they are only available once a year?

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

I don’t pretend to know the answer. But you can bet it will take all my willpower to stay out of those little green boxes of Thin Mints this weekend (they’re my favorites and freezing them just makes them better).

That’s because my wife left me totally in charge of cookie sales. She’s away on her annual girls trip to the beach, so I’m standing in for her at a cookie stand my daughter’s troop is setting up in Inwood.

Come by and pick up a few boxes if you get a chance. If you don’t, I’m not sure I’ll be able to resist buying some more for myself.

Oh, who am I kidding. I’m too weak not to come home with more cookies.

I just hope I can scarf them down before my wife gets home. Otherwise, she might think we have more to sell and put them back in my car. I’d hate to have to buy them twice.


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