Got the Bikes Back!

Okay, so I’m probably a little late in offering an explanation for yesterday’s somewhat agitated Facebook status.

Sorry for that, but things have calmed down and here’s the story now.

Basically, I was pissed because my kid’s brand new Christmas bikes were stolen. They were taken out of our garage in broad daylight. We were even home at the time!

It was a horrible feeling and I felt especially bad for my seven year old daughter Kendall (the budding model and fashionista), who just learned to ride and loves it. I think if she could take her meals and sleep on that bike, she would.

Here’s how events unfolded.

Our planned Sunday afternoon family bike ride turned into an hours-long patrol around the area surrounding our neighborhood after my kids discovered that their bikes weren’t in the garage. They came in the house complaining about it and then Kendall ran across the street to her friend’s, who told her she’d seen two boys hightailing it from our garage not 15 minutes earlier. She said she told her Dad, but he didn’t think anything of it at the time because kids crawl all over our neighborhood.

Unfortunately, he was wrong.

While my neighbor’s daughter gave the police what turned out to be a pretty good description of the “perps” I climbed into his truck and we took off to see if we could spot the thugs. We drove around for about an hour but it was a fruitless search.

My wife then took off on her bike but she didn’t turn up anything, either.

We were in deep, dark despair when she got back. I honestly thought we’d never see those bikes, again. But things were about to brighten.

My other neighbor, Paul, who was well aware of our troubles, came strolling down the street right about then and he began holding forth about how the woods behind the nearby elementary school would be an ideal place to hide the bikes. There are trails back there, he said, and “if I were those punks that’s what I’d do.”

Well, that triggered something in me. I thought Paul might just be right, especially since when I was a kid, we all rode our bikes around the local elementary school on an almost daily basis.

So, I got on my bike and Paul borrowed my wife’s and we took a little ride over there. At first, it seemed hopeless. But then I heard Paul say, “Is that them?”

Those two IDIOTS (one later said he was 13 years old) didn’t know it but they rode straight into our laps.

I wanted to intimidate those kids so I started riding hard towards them and ordering them off my kid’s bikes. I kept getting bogged down in the mud though, so my “hard ride” was sort of pathetic.

They did get off the bikes, however, and Paul and I started interrogating them. (Okay, so we cussed them out, especially after they tried to deny they had taken the bikes from my garage in the first place.)

Eventually, I had had enough and was inclined to just take the bikes back and let those two thieves go.

Paul wasn’t finished, however, and recognized the fact that the two of us needed help pushing four bikes back to my house. So he told those two scalawags that if they helped us we wouldn’t call the police.


It was the best “Perp Walk ever!

We paraded those kids through the neighborhood and when we got back to my house those boys had to stand there and take more verbal abuse from my wife and my other neighbor.

Paul then took their names and we warned them if anything like this happened again in our neighborhood their names (assuming they gave us their real ones) would be the first given to the police.

I have to give those boys a little credit. At least they didn’t try to run and did what we told them to do. But it is troubling that even though my neighbor’s daughter positively fingered them they barely admitted to the crime.

In any case, I sincerely hope they’ve learned their lesson.


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